CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The Man Who Died Twice

With each sentence Utterson became more shocked and horrified! After reading about Jekyll's midnight change, he had to put down the letter and think about Henry Jekyll's words for awhile. But the desire to learn more was too strong to fight, so Utterson began to read again.

"Waking up as Edward Hyde was the beginning of the end for me. I ran from the bedroom to the laboratory. I drank the mixture, and within a few minutes I was Henry Jekyll again. I sat down to breakfast and tried not to let the servants see my heart's fear. I now understood that Edward Hyde was becoming stronger every time I drank the mixture. I was afraid that the balance between my good and evil sides might change, and that the evil one would become more powerful. If that happened I might become Edward Hyde forever!

The drug had not always worked perfectly. In the beginning, I sometimes had to drink two glasses of the mixture to become Hyde. Once, I drank three and still could not change into him. Now the difficulty was the opposite. Each time I needed to drink more and more of the mixture to become Jekyll. I realized I would soon have to choose between the twins. If I became Hyde forever I would be hated by all, but if I became Jekyll forever, then I would have to give up all evil pleasures, and he would be unhappy without them. Finally, I chose to be the doctor, and for two months I was a kind and good man.

Then it happened! Hyde had been a prisoner inside me for so long that when he came out he was full of youth and power. It was the night that Hyde murdered Sir Danvers. As I hit him, I felt the greatest excitement of my life run through my body. I enjoyed it so much that I could not stop until my cane broke. Then I suddenly realized that my actions had put my own life in danger. I ran to Hyde's rooms, burned my papers, and left forever. But all during that time, I was happy with my violence. I let myself into Jekyll's laboratory and drank the mixture with a song on my lips.

Once I was Jekyll again, I fell down on my knees filled with regret and prayed loudly to God. I cried and wished that I had never become Hyde, my horrible twin. Now that the police were looking for him, he could never again come to Jekyll's house. I locked the door and broke the key.

I admit that Jekyll often missed Hyde, but for awhile I kept him trapped inside me. It was too scary to think that the police were looking for him all over London. But one day, as I was sitting in the park and trying to calm my thoughts, I felt a great desire to become Hyde again run through my body. I began to shake and for a moment I felt very weak. This passed, and I suddenly felt strong and brave. When I looked down, I saw my clothes had become too large for me and Hyde's hand was grasping my hat.

I could no longer think clearly. Then Hyde, always smart and ready to take a risk, took control of my mind. I had to get home to my drugs, but I had locked the back door and destroyed the key. If I went in through the front door, my servants would recognize Hyde and go get the police. I needed help and decided to use Lanyon.

Though the police were searching for me, I bravely took a carriage to a small hotel. I rented a room there and wrote letters using Jekyll's handwriting. I sent one letter to Poole and the other to Lanyon. I sent both by special messenger.

At about eleven o'clock I went out to see Lanyon. I hid outside his house until exactly midnight. I then walked up to his door very quickly, because I feared I would be seen. I found that Lanyon had not failed me. He had brought the drugs I needed. But his horror of me, and what I had done, added to my feelings of guilt and fear.

Once I was changed back into Jekyll and again safe in my own house, I gave thanks.

But, the very next day as I was walking across the courtyard after breakfast, I again began to shake like I had in the park before. I knew I was changing into Hyde. I had just enough time to run to my office ... and then Hyde stood there, looking into my mirror where Jekyll had been. I needed to take two glasses of the drug to bring Jekyll back.

But only six hours later, I felt the shake again. From that day on, I needed to drink the mixture every few hours to remain Jekyll. If I slept at night or rested in my chair during the day, Hyde came out. I was constantly filled with fear and hatred of him. Finally, I became hopeless. Jekyll and Hyde were fighting a terrible battle, and Hyde was stronger. Hyde still was able to find time for his evil tricks. He wrote horrible things in a book I loved, and he destroyed a painting of my father.

As I write this letter I am Jekyll, but I know that I will change back soon. I now have no hope of living, for I will soon have used up the rest of the drug I had left. I have sent Poole all over London, trying to buy the same salt I used to make the original mixture. None of the new salt has worked. I think that perhaps the salt I first purchased accidentally had some other chemical mixed in it and that is what made my mixture work. Soon Hyde will control my life completely.

I have just used the last bit of the original salt. I will finish writing this letter to you and sit for a few last minutes as Dr Jekyll. Then Jekyll will die, and Mr Hyde will control my body and mind.

I do not know if the police will catch Hyde and kill him for his crimes, or whether he will decide to kill himself before he is caught. I do not care. It is not my problem now. It is now the problem of my new self—Edward Hyde.

I am beginning to feel myself shake again. I see the end racing towards me—the time for the death of Henry Jekyll has come. Utterson, my true friend, goodbye, good-bye ... "

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